Technology: the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

By: Melissa Wilson, LCSW, Intermountain

Phones – what would we do without them? How often do you reach for your device? Mine is sitting right beside me on my desk, like a digital companion. But is it a helpful friend or a demanding foe? This gadget can whip up a digital tug-of-war for our time and shrinking attention.

THE GOOD…Tech’s Helping Hand

Remember landlines? After school, I’d call mom to report I was home. Nowadays, parents can know their kids’ whereabouts without a “check in” phone call. Your child got lost on their bike?  No problem! Thanks to trackers or a smartwatch, we can find them. We can monitor what they’re watching and who they’re talking to thanks to monitoring apps, allowing us to breathe a little easier.

Technology has made communication fast and easy. If daycare needs to send a message to all parents, they simply send a notification through the app, and voila!   No one wants to miss a message about a cancelled team practice and be alone on an empty field wondering where everyone went!  These are all crucial time-savers, making our lives efficient.

While there are ways that technology has improved our lives by making us feel more connected and informed, for every benefit of all this digital content, there is also a downside.

THE BAD…Too much of a good thing

Let’s be honest, all this communication is noisy. You’ve probably heard research about the ways screen time affects our kids’ developing brains, but what about its impact on us? How is all this constant, instant communication affecting our mental health and our ability to be present with our families?

There’s a game tomorrow, practice Thursday, overlapping games Saturday, several ongoing texts between work, friends, and teachers and treats needed next week- the list goes on. We’re drowning in information, just trying to be on time with everything we need. Despite all the planning, we often feel disconnected, running on autopilot. Our mental reserves are drained, leaving little room to connect emotionally, fueling parent guilt and burnout.

The parent guilt is overwhelming. With the constant influx of information and expectations, it’s easy to question ourselves and wonder if we’re failing as parents-especially when we fall short. But is it failure, or is it simply the demands of our tech-driven world pushing us to our limits? A 2020 Pew Research Center survey found that 52% believe that parenting is harder today than it was 20 years ago, citing technology as a cause. I can relate! It’s harder than ever to be fully present and calmly attentive to the most important relationships we will ever have: our families.

THE UGLY… The cost

Staying on top of digital communication means a lot of screen time. To keep up, I’m constantly on my phone. But at what cost? My kids see a distracted mom, glued to the screen. They need deep connections, but devices steal our time.

The same study reported that 68% of parents felt that smartphones distract them during interactions with their children. This statistic highlights a sobering truth: the convenience of instant communication comes at a cost–it distracts us from what’s right in front of us.

Ultimately, what matters most is that we pour ourselves into the little humans in front of us. They need us to truly be present, to connect, to delight in them. The priceless moments of undivided attention are becoming increasingly rare, and these are the moments that kids crave to thrive, feel safe, and be connected to us. Today it takes a steel resolve to plan and protect these moments within our families.

The ugly truth is that while technology promises to simplify our lives, it also can complicate it and change our family dynamics while eroding our ability to be present in the moment.

Balancing the scales

So how do we balance the good and the bad of technology, while salvaging our mental health and relationships with our children?

In the film Screenagers: Elementary School Age Edition, Dr. Ruston suggests while using your cell phone explaining aloud whether you’re using your phone as a ‘Tool,’ ‘Treat,’ or for ‘Talk,’ helping kids understand what you are doing in the moment. Dr. Ruston has many resources and helpful ideas on her website www.screenagersmovie.com. Here are some more helpful tips to try:

Streamline Communication: use a single-family calendar app and hold regular family meetings for planning.

Create Tech-Free Spaces and Times: engage in tech-free activities (without calling them tech free, of course) like a weekly crafting Sunday afternoon, or a family read aloud or a new activity like Geocaching. Establish device-free zones in the home and plan the same for car rides.

Promote Digital Literacy: Set device check in times, set boundaries, and discuss tech’s pros and cons.

Prioritize Mental Health and Practice Self-Care: Make time for your hobbies, nurture friendships, and seek professional help when needed- remember that taking care of yourself is crucial for being able to care for others.

“Every rose has it thorn,” and technology is no exception. While complex, we can manage technology’s impact on our lives by being mindful and reflecting on how it affects us, our family and our relationships with others. After all, we’re shaping the next generation, their relationship with one another and with technology. Tech is here to stay, but our kids won’t be little forever.